Discovery

DISCOVERY

(This short story is a true story.)

My Dad has gone blind.

I want to scream, I want to rage, I want to blame someone or something for this injustice. I want to wake up tomorrow morning and know that my Dad can see the morning sunlight glistening through the creases of curtain. I want to wake up tomorrow morning and know that my Dad can read the front headlines of the newspaper. I want to wake up tomorrow morning and know that my Dad can see.

There he lay in bed, all rugged up in his blankets and blue pjs.

"Hello Dad."

"Hello Love."

Big kiss, our traditional greeting, I sat on the side of the bed, holding his hand, talking about my day and asking about his. He was welcoming and loving as usual but something was different.

It had been ten days since my last visit. On that occasion, I had arrived at dinnertime; Dad was sitting at a table with six others. I hated seeing him in a nursing home, he belonged at home with Mum and me but that wasn’t an option anymore. Mum had cancer; Dad going into a nursing home was our last resort. He needed care; he was beginning to lose his memory.

I creeped up on him slowly and as he caught sight of me, a huge smile engulfed his face.

"Hey Sexy Man."

"This is my daughter" he boasted proudly to the women either side.

"Can I take my Dad outside for a little while?"

"He’s actually eating, best to leave him" said the carer.

I agreed with her, after all Dad had lost a lot of weight. I wrapped my arms around Dad’s shoulders and attempted to have a private conversation.

"I’m going to Tasmania Dad."

"Oh good, you will have a great time."

I was blessed as far as my parents were concerned; they were supportive of me in whatever I wanted to do.

I didn’t wish to anger the staff or prevent Dad from eating, so I gave him a hug and headed for the corridor. As I got to the doorway I turned around and his eyes were glued on me. I blew a kiss and waved. He went to do the same and his fork dropped on the ground. That was my father, a beautiful man, a dignified man, living in an undignified environment.

Ten days flew by. Leisure and vacation eat into time. On the way home from the airport I called into see him, he remembered that I had been away and was very excited that I was back. As I rattled on about my trip I noticed Dad wasn’t looking at me but to the left of where I was sitting.

"Can you see me Dad?"

"Yes." He answered.

I held up two fingers in front of him, then three, then five.

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

He guessed but he couldn’t tell me, I then realized Dad was blind. I felt ill and consumed with fear. A carer walked into the room, I mentioned my concerns to her.

"Probably related to the pain he may have in his head" she said as she walked out.

No, that wasn’t it. I knew my Dad, Dad always maintained eye contact when he was being spoken to. I held Dad closer and as I laid my head on his chest he began to stroke my hair.

"I love you" I said.

"Do you really love me?"

"Of course."

"Have you always loved me?"

"More than you will ever know."

"Because I adore you" he whispered.

It was like the finishing note in a ballad. I wanted to lie there in awe, I wanted to absorb the completion I felt in myself. A parent's love is considered a given but a parent's love conveyed helps the child (no matter how old) complete their soul journey.

I rang the Doctor and decided not to wait. I needed air. I felt like I was suffocating. As I walked home I thought about Dad and the tower of strength he is. It was as if life was testing him, taking away one faculty at a time. The more I thought the angrier I felt.

Why was this happening? Dad was living in a world of darkness and I wanted to switch on a light.

I thought I had prepared myself for everything this year…I was mistaken.

My Dad has gone blind.

I want to scream. I want to rage. I want to blame someone or something for this injustice.

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		Writings
		DISCOVERY (This short story is a true story.) My Dad has gone blind. I want to scream, I want to rage, I want to blame someone or something for this injustice. I want to wake up tomorrow morning and know that my Dad can see the morning sunlight glistening through the creases of curtain. I want to wake up tomorrow morning and know that my Dad can read the front headlines of the newspaper. I want to wake up tomorrow morning and know that my Dad can see. There he lay in bed, all rugged up in his blankets and blue pjs. "Hello Dad." "Hello Love." Big kiss, our traditional greeting, I sat on the side of the bed, holding his hand, talking about my day and asking about his. He was welcoming and loving as usual but something was different. It had been ten days since my last visit. On that occasion, I had arrived at dinnertime; Dad was sitting at a table with six others. I hated seeing him in a nursing home, he belonged at home with Mum and me but that wasn’t an option anymore. Mum had cancer; Dad going into a nursing home was our last resort. He needed care; he was beginning to lose his memory. I creeped up on him slowly and as he caught sight of me, a huge smile engulfed his face. "Hey Sexy Man." "This is my daughter" he boasted proudly to the women either side. "Can I take my Dad outside for a little while?" "He’s actually eating, best to leave him" said the carer. I agreed with her, after all Dad had lost a lot of weight. I wrapped my arms around Dad’s shoulders and attempted to have a private conversation. "I’m going to Tasmania Dad." "Oh good, you will have a great time." I was blessed as far as my parents were concerned; they were supportive of me in whatever I wanted to do. I didn’t wish to anger the staff or prevent Dad from eating, so I gave him a hug and headed for the corridor. As I got to the doorway I turned around and his eyes were glued on me. I blew a kiss and waved. He went to do the same and his fork dropped on the ground. That was my father, a beautiful man, a dignified man, living in an undignified environment. Ten days flew by. Leisure and vacation eat into time. On the way home from the airport I called into see him, he remembered that I had been away and was very excited that I was back. As I rattled on about my trip I noticed Dad wasn’t looking at me but to the left of where I was sitting. "Can you see me Dad?" "Yes." He answered. I held up two fingers in front of him, then three, then five. "How many fingers am I holding up?" He guessed but he couldn’t tell me, I then realized Dad was blind. I felt ill and consumed with fear. A carer walked into the room, I mentioned my concerns to her. "Probably related to the pain he may have in his head" she said as she walked out. No, that wasn’t it. I knew my Dad, Dad always maintained eye contact when he was being spoken to. I held Dad closer and as I laid my head on his chest he began to stroke my hair. "I love you" I said. "Do you really love me?" "Of course." "Have you always loved me?" "More than you will ever know." "Because I adore you" he whispered. It was like the finishing note in a ballad. I wanted to lie there in awe, I wanted to absorb the completion I felt in myself. A parent's love is considered a given but a parent's love conveyed helps the child (no matter how old) complete their soul journey. I rang the Doctor and decided not to wait. I needed air. I felt like I was suffocating. As I walked home I thought about Dad and the tower of strength he is. It was as if life was testing him, taking away one faculty at a time. The more I thought the angrier I felt. Why was this happening? Dad was living in a world of darkness and I wanted to switch on a light. I thought I had prepared myself for everything this year…I was mistaken. My Dad has gone blind. I want to scream. I want to rage. I want to blame someone or something for this injustice. back to Writings index © 2002 Vanessa de Largie